Kink, pain and extreme sensation
You know there are people who say sadism and masochism are not about pain, they're about extreme sensation?
After long covid, I'm pretty sure which side of this debate I'm on.
On days when I have a little more energy, I want to feel my head wrenched back by my hair, I want to struggle with girth down my throat.
When I have lots more energy, I want to fight to hold a torturous stress position, I want to cry mindlessly under an unending rain of stinging blows.
I want it exactly the same way I want to run in the night and feel my heart eating up the road and the wind cooling me. That's extreme sensation. That's doing hard stuff until I'm limp and exhilarated.
I really don't want more headaches and ingrown toenails or those weird stabs in the night. That's pain. That is my nervous system telling me something's wrong.
Most of the time now I don't have much energy. So my kink sleeps. Which makes complete sense. Because I know what would happen if I tried doing anything hard. “Go straight to PAIN, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.”
I can't say if everyone's kink works like mine. But I do know that most masochists will tell you they like good pain but not bad pain. Everyone draws the line in different places, but I think it's always a difference between getting a rush and hearing plain old warning signals.
Kink is ultimately about feeling good, not bad. It's an odd kind of pleasure, yes. But if you've ever felt the thrill of roller coasters or horror movies or capsaicin, you know what it's like to get a kick out of something so intense that it blazes a path of light to your core.